


July 27th

by FrisianWanderer



Series: Love Will Always Finds It's Way Back To Us [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 13:12:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6154849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrisianWanderer/pseuds/FrisianWanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake met on the 27th of July when she was 19 and he was 21.  </i> </p><p><i>It was on a warm summer night which she spend working at a bar and he spend bar hopping with a group of friends. He ordered a bunch of drinks for his friends and himself and they started talking. </i> </p><p> --</p><p>This story follows every 27th of July in their friendship until they become something more. What comes next is a tale about friendship, love, pain, growth and so much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	July 27th

**Author's Note:**

> \- Luckily for us Lemon Stingrays only exist in this 'verse, so you don't worry when you go swimming in the ocean ;) 
> 
> \- Hope you like the bunny! :)
> 
> \- Apologies for any mistakes.

**27th of July – 21 and 19.**

 

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake met on the 27th of July when she was 19 and he was 21.

It was on a warm summer night which she spend working at a bar and he spend bar hopping with a group of friends. He ordered a bunch of drinks for his friends and himself and they started talking.

She had asked him what had brought him to New Haven, Florida. It was the town she had grown up in and where her parents still lived, and even though the town held a special place in her heart, she didn’t quite understand why a guy like him would waste his summer in a dead end town.

Granted, she didn’t know the dark haired stranger in front of her, but with his slick backed hair and his dark clothes, he didn’t fit the bill of a surfer type that were the only type of tourists New Haven got. Well, those and the just retired kind.

He told her he was visiting a friend from college with his sister. She asked him who the friend was, because there was about an eighty percent chance she would know who he was talking about. She did, his friend was Nathan Miller, the guy who had lived right next door from her all throughout her childhood.

‘Does that mean you go to NYU as well?’ Clarke had asked while she cleaned the bar and when Bellamy had nodded in response, she told him she lived in New York too and attended Columbia University.

They compared horror stories about using the subway – Bellamy had gotten mugged three times and now refused to keep cash in his wallet, Clarke had slipped once and fell into some old Thai food that someone had dropped on the floor. After they had discussed which was worse (“I got mugged three times, Clarke! _Three_ times! You know how horrible it is to go shopping for a new wallet, never mind that I had to get new cards and go to the police station to press charges!”- “I fell into _Thai_ food, Bellamy! It looked like I shit myself and I ran into my asshole ex-boyfriend and his friends 5 minutes later! I had to throw away the jeans, my favourite pair by the way, and I can’t stomach Thai food anymore. It was _traumatic_!”) and couldn’t agree who was the biggest loser, they agreed to disagree.

Bellamy’s friends had gotten restless and had send Miller to grab those drinks Bellamy had forgotten about.

Miller gave Bellamy a look that Clarke missed because she was serving a different customer, and a moment later returned to Bellamy with a cold beer for himself.

They spend the next 20 minutes or so talking about classes, Bellamy was a history major, Clarke studied psychology, before Bellamy’s sister dragged him away to the dancefloor.

Even though Bellamy had enjoyed getting to know Clarke, he couldn’t deny his sister anything, so when he was forced away from his new friend, he had said, ‘It was great meeting you, Clarke Griffin’

‘Don’t be a stranger Bellamy Blake!’ Clarke had said smiling, her rosy cheeks highlighting the sparkles in her sea blue eyes, before she got back to work.

They were both afraid for a moment that they would never see the other again, that they would become strangers, but their paths had crossed and would again many times before they became lifelong friends.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 22 and 20**

 

That summer Clarke had decided to stay in the city. A lot of her friends were staying as well and Clarke couldn’t bring herself to go back to New Haven. Clarke may have had an incredible complicated relationship with her parents, but she still felt guilty choosing staying with her friends over going back to her parents, but Jake and Abby Griffin weren’t surprised. They understood she was growing up and that New York could offer Clarke a better time, than a beach town could. Her parents weren’t home a lot anyway, they were the worst kind of workaholics.

Monty got her a job at the department store he worked at and she spend her summer break working there 5 days a week and going out in the weekends. She’d met Monty in one of her classes and instantly had taking a liking to him and now, six months later, they were close friends.

Clarke and Monty were stocking up on the body lotions when Clarke saw two familiar faces.

‘Miller, Bellamy – hey!’ she greeted them cheerfully when they had noticed her.

‘Clarke, hi, I was hoping we’d run into you’ Miller said smiling. ‘Blake here needs a present for mini-Blake and I figured you could help’

Clarke laughed and Bellamy gave her a tentative smile. In the year they had known each other, they had met a handful of times through Miller and had become friendly acquaintances. Usually it was a coincidence when she saw Bellamy and they were both with different people and had booze in their system.

Clarke realised that this would actually be the first time she would be alone with him since the night they met and the thought brought a smile to her face.

She liked Bellamy, she didn’t know him very well yet, but she knew he was a good guy. Something inside of her told her that the two of them could be really good friends, that they were really compatible. Even if they weren’t actually going to hang out now – she was only going to help him buy a good perfume for his sister – it felt like some sort of test to her. That if this went well, it would prove to her that they could hang out on their own. And, well, be sober while doing so.

‘Any idea what your sister likes?’ Clarke asked Bellamy as they walked to the women’s section.

Bellamy’s cheeks heated up. ‘Uuuh..’

Clarke chuckled. ‘Okay, is she fan of a specific celebrity or a brand?’

‘She likes Beyoncé, I know that much’

‘That’s good. Beyoncé has numerous perfumes’ Clarke noted and then she added, ‘Does your sister have a favourite?’

‘Well, this will be Octavia’s first perfume’ Bellamy told Clarke in a soft tone.

Clarke nodded. ‘Then why not give her Beyoncé’s first perfume, “Heat”? It’s sweet, but not too sweet and kind of heavy. It’s a bold scent’

Bellamy scratched his neck and let out an awkward chuckle. ‘Well, O is definitely a bold girl and I don’t think she would wear something too sweet’

Clarke sprayed a little on her wrist so Bellamy could smell it. He softly touched her wrist with his fingertips so he could hold her in place while he sniffed. The intimacy of the short moment made goose bumps break out over Clarke’s arms, what confused her. When Bellamy let go of her wrist, Clarke brought her wrist to her own nose, so the scent of perfume could bring her back to the here and now.

‘I like that one’ Bellamy said with an excited and relieved smile. ‘How much is it?’

‘Twenty dollars, but I’ll give you my employees discount’ Clarke said with a wink.

Bellamy smiled. ‘That be great, I owe you one’

Clarke didn’t want to hear it. ‘You don’t, we’re friends’. She grabbed the perfume and together they walked to the cash register where Bellamy paid for his purchase.

Miller joined them with a goofy smile on his face and when Clarke raised an eyebrow at him, he quickly tried to shake it off.

‘Miller, what are you doing this weekend?’ Clarke asked, suddenly remembering that she’d been meaning to ask him to go see a band with her that she desperately wanted to see. Unfortunately for her, Raven, Wells and Monty all couldn’t or wanted to see the band and her girlfriend Lexa thought she was too good for indie-folk music.

‘I don’t have any plans yet, why?’ Miller asked.

‘Well I wanted to go to this band-‘

‘No’ Miller had cut her off. ‘I’m not going to one of those weird bands again. I learned my lesson last time’

Clarke rolled her eyes at him. ‘Stop whining, it was fun’

‘One of them was dressed as some sort of a metal clown!’ Miller said in high voice. When Bellamy gave Miller a look, Miller added, ‘Yes, apparently that’s a thing’

‘Well, there no metal clown this time-‘

‘I’m not taking that chance’ Miller interrupted her stubbornly.

Clarke’s face fell. ‘Pleaseeeee’ she whined.

‘No!’

‘I’ll go’ Bellamy said and both Clarke and Miller turned to him in surprise.

‘Really?’ Clarke asked grinning.

‘Yes as a thank you for helping me with Octavia’s gift’ that reminded Clarke she still had to wrap it, so she grabbed the wrapping paper. ‘But if there are any metal clowns, or any clowns for that matter, you’re paying for my drinks’

‘Deal’ Clarke said chuckling.

When they left, Clarke got back to helping Monty and harassed him mercilessly about the blush he got every time she mentioned Miller.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 23 and 21**

 

‘Babe, you gotta get up’ Raven said from her spot in the doorframe.

‘No..’ Clarke sniffed from under her blankets. The same blankets she’d been crying under for two months now.

‘Clarke, Lexa’s not worth your tears’ Raven said again, hoping Clarke would see that this time. ‘She treated you horribly’

‘I know Raven, that’s why I’m crying’ Clarke cried, still not moving an inch from her warm safe haven.

Clarke felt the bed shift as Raven laid down next to her and got under the blankets. ‘Tell me what to do, babe’ Raven begged and she put her arms around her best friend.

‘I don’t know..’ Clarke whispered. ‘What do you do when the girl you were in love with dumps you on your one year anniversary?’

‘Get drunk’ Raven immediately answered. ‘Get revenge’ Raven added after a brief pause. ‘Do fun stuff with your friends, get drunk again, do everything you love to get your mind off things, sleep around a bit and then get ridiculously drunk so you’ll kill that part of your brain where she’s in’

Clarke managed to let out a weak chuckle.

‘You’ll get over her, I promise babe’ Raven said soothingly.

Clarke almost fell asleep in her best friend’s arms, but their doorbell rang and successfully startled her awake. ‘Please tell me you ordered Chinese or something’

‘No, I called Blake’

Clarke immediately sat up. ‘You did what?’ she barked. ‘Why?’

‘Because you’ve been crying in a foetus position for months now Clarke. Everyone is really worried and I didn’t know what to do, okay? You’ve been apathetic, down, you barely eat…’ Raven said, visibly upset. ‘Blake keeps texting me to check in on you and I know that even though you’ve been avoiding everyone, you need us – especially Bellamy, so I gave into my concern..’

Clarke wiped a tear from her cheek. What Raven said was true, the last two months or so, she had barely left her bed. The only exceptions for leaving her cocoon were classes and bathroom breaks. Her heartbreak had left her so exhausted that she kept cancelling all her plans with friends and after a while, she didn’t even bother making new ones.

She knew Monty, Miller, Raven and especially Bellamy and Wells were all really worried, but it wasn’t in her to care anymore. Caring hurt too much – love was weakness after all, just like Lexa had said when she ripped Clarke’s heart out of her chest.

‘I’m going to let Blake in and you’re taking a shower’ Raven said when she pulled the covers off Clarke’s bed.

Clarke whined in protest when the cold air in her bedroom engulfed her body.

Raven left to open their front door and took Clarke’s covers with her out of precaution.

‘Clarke we’re leaving in half an hour!’ Bellamy yelled when he stepped foot in his friends’ apartment. ‘I don’t care if you’re ready or not, or if you want to or not, I’ll drag you out of here if I have to!’

Clarke let out a tired sigh and made her way to the shower. She knew Bellamy meant business and while she washed her hair, she revaluated the last year.

It had been the best year out of her life. Classes were great and school was going really well, she was in a relationship with a hot girl she really liked, New York was still a dream come true, her friendships with Monty and Raven had gotten stronger (Wells and Clarke had a friendship that couldn’t possibly get stronger) and in the course of that year she got really close with Bellamy. He now was one of her favourite persons.

After Clarke got dressed, she put on a little make up, hearing the scolding voice of mother say, _“Clarke, honey, that you feel bad, doesn’t mean you have to_ look _bad as well”_.

‘Thanks for doing this’ Raven’s voice carried through the hallway of their crappy apartment.

‘She would’ve done the same for us’ Bellamy answered in his deep voice. ‘Besides, she’s my.. friend..’

Clarke loved the sound of his voice. He had a strong, deep and calming voice and when he laughed, the sound he made was beautiful.

_Okay, dial back the crushing on your friend Griffin!_

‘All done’ Clarke said when she joined them in the kitchen. She tried to give them a cheerful smile, because she felt bad for making them worry about her and for causing them pain, but she knew it was a weak attempt to one.

‘Good! You two kids have fun!’ Raven said smiling and she shooed Bellamy and Clarke out of the apartment. ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’ she added with a wink before she closed the door.

Bellamy started walking and Clarke walked next to him, letting him lead her to an unknown destination. He didn’t say anything and for that she was grateful, because she didn’t feel like talking. They had been walking in a companionable silence for a while, before Clarke’s curiosity got the best of her. ‘So, where are we going?’ Clarke asked when she was ready to have a conversation.

‘To Brooklyn. There’s this tiny art gallery that has these classes where you can learn how to paint’ Bellamy answered. ‘I know how much you love to draw and I thought that maybe you would enjoy this too’

Clarke was so touched by his plans, it was so perfectly _her_ , so perfect for _now_ , that tears started to form in her eyes. She had cried almost non-stop the last couple of weeks, but this time however, her tears were from gratefulness for having such an amazing friend and from feeling _loved_ , instead of being unwanted by the girl she was in love with.

‘Bellamy-’ Clarke began, but the words were caught in her throat.

Bellamy knew what she wanted to say. _Thank you. You didn’t have to do this. You’re the best. Don’t you have to work though?_ Her eyes said it all and he smiled at her in response. ‘I’ve always wanted to learn how to paint’ he said instead. ‘And you’re the perfect person to experience this _milestone_ with’ he joked and Clarke let out a laugh.

An honest laugh, one that hadn’t left her lips since the day Lexa walked out, and it made her feel really good. It made her feel light. Raven was right, she needed her friends and she needed to do things she loved to mend her aching heart.

She needed Bellamy and he was right there next to her. Taking her to a gallery, supposedly because he always wanted to paint. She didn’t know what she had ever done to deserve him, but she did know, that as long as they would be walking beside one another, she’d be okay.

They had a great day. Clarke laughed multiple times, they painted a bowl of fruit (“Wow, Princess, you’re really talented” – “Thank you, yours is pretty too” – “Shut up, my apples looks like messed up balls” – “Yeah.. I don’t know how someone could fuck up apples that bad. Must be a talent on its own” – “Cute, Princess”), Clarke treated Bellamy on some burgers during lunch as a thank you and when they walked past a second hand bookshop, they ended their afternoon there.

Clarke proposed they’d find a book they knew the other would like and buy it as a gift. Bellamy agreed, he was confident enough to think he knew what Clarke would like to read.

Clarke bought him “The Sorrows of Young Werther”, a book every history major should own – Bellamy wasn’t going to be the exception to that rule, if Clarke could help it.

Bellamy gave her “Peter Pan” in return. She’d once told him she had actually never read the original novel before and he had almost fallen of his barstool in surprise. “Peter Pan” had been his favourite story growing up and he had read it millions of times to his sister when she was younger.

It’s needless to say that both of the presents made the receiver very happy.

They ended the day at a bar with all of their friends, where Clarke took Raven’s advice and got ridiculously drunk in an attempt to kill the part of her brain where her memories of Lexa were harboured. Bellamy also introduced his new flame Echo to the gang and Clarke did some body shots of the girl, which was awesome.

When Raven tucked her in that night, Clarke knew for certain, that one day, even if it still hurt now, Lexa would become a memory that wouldn’t cause her pain anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 24 and 22**

 

The year after that it was Clarke who took care of Bellamy. Not because he had just gotten his heart broken, but because he was down with the flu.

‘Oh, how the mighty Bellamy has fallen’ Clarke joked when she let herself into Bellamy and Octavia’s apartment and found Bellamy lying on his couch, looking like the most stereotypical sick guy Clarke had ever seen.

‘Shut up, Princess’ Bellamy groaned. ‘I’m dying – I can feel it’ he whined.

Clarke did her best not to laugh. She could see that her best friend was suffering under his fever and he probably really did believe he was going to an early grave. _Men_.

‘Of course honey’ Clarke said smiling while petting his sweaty curls. ‘I brought you some soup. Some _magical_ soup, that will save you from an untimely death’

Bellamy let out a groan while he sat up. ‘Promise?’ he asked in a soft tone and the hope in his eyes shone bright. It was adorable.

‘Yes’ Clarke answered smiling. ‘Give me a minute so I can heat it up’

She brought him the warm soup a moment later in one of Octavia’s polka dotted bowls and when Bellamy was eating Clarke’s chicken soup, he suddenly got a quizzical look on his face.

‘What’s wrong Bellamy?’ she asked while she braided her own hair.

‘Do you think we are ocean friends or pool friends?’

Clarke laughed. ‘What?’ she asked, confused by the thoughts that were going through his flu stricken brain. ‘I need you to explain that one to me’

‘Well, is our friendship as deep as an ocean or as deep as a pool?’ he asked while he stared down into his soup and he let out a yawn.

‘Bellamy, we see each other every week, we know every one of the other’s food orders, drink orders and allergies, you know about my crappy relationship with my mom, I know about your asshole of a dad.. I know you can be a dick and you know I can be too unforgiving sometimes, but we’re still here.. You’re literally the first person I go to if I have good or bad news – you’re my best friend’ _He even knew about Charlotte._ Clarke paused a moment to see if Bellamy had followed. ‘I’d say we’re pretty ocean deep’

‘Than why don’t you have a nickname for me?’

‘I do have a nickname for you’ Clarke answered smiling.

‘Dickhead, doesn’t count’ Bellamy countered.

‘Why not?’ Clarke whined, then added in a teasing tone, ‘It fits you perfectly’

Bellamy tried to give her an annoyed look, but the effect was lost when he yawned again – the poor guy was battling his sleep.

‘Is that what made you doubt our friendship? Because I call you by your _name_?’

Bellamy shrugged. ‘I don’t _doubt_ our friendship, it’s just that the people closest to me don’t call me by my full first name and when you do, it feels like we’re not as close. Which feels weird to me, because we _are_ close – you are my best friend too. Does that make any sense?’ he rambled.

Clarke’s lips curled into a small smile. Bellamy could be such a sweet and insecure softie. Of course, he tried to keep that side of him hidden, especially with the ladies, but when he was ill, drunk or worried he showed Clarke those parts of him. ‘Fine, I’ll give you a nickname’

‘It can’t be an insult!’ Bellamy immediately said.

‘You call me _Princess_!’

‘That’s a _compliment_ , Princess!’ Bellamy said in a tone that indicated it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘You look like one, you sit like one and you’re an Ivy League student’

Clarke rolled her eyes. ‘Whatever, _dickhead_ ’

‘Noooo..’ Bellamy begged. ‘Just call me Bell, like O does’

‘Fine…’ she relented. ‘ _Bell_ ’

Clarke pretended that she didn’t love the feeling of his shortened name on her tongue and that she wasn’t affected by the goofy grin he gave her.

‘How did you even know I’m sick?’ Bell asked and Clarke was grateful for the change of subject.

‘Octavia texted and I knew Roma is still in Hawaii with her parents, so..’

Bellamy nodded and Clarke asked if his girlfriend was having a good time on her trip.

Bellamy giggled – actually _giggled_ , so if that didn’t prove how far gone he was, nothing would – and his cheeks turned a little pink. ‘Yeah, she is.. She send me this _amazing_ topless picture’

‘Ooeeehh.. Can I see?’ Clarke asked with an eager smile.

‘No!’ Bellamy objected immediately. ‘She’s _my_ girlfriend’ he said with a childish frown that made Clarke laugh.

‘Well, you’re no fun’ she mock complained.

Later Clarke made Bellamy a fruit salad containing an apple and a banana and gave him a glass of water. ‘For your vitamins and you need to stay hydrated’

‘Thanks Princess’ he sighed and he started snacking.

‘You’re welcome, Bell’ yeah, she really liked how that rolled of her tongue. ‘Let’s watch some Netflix now’

Bellamy nodded and together they watched Peter Pan – Clarke knew that was his guilty pleasure, because she was his ocean deep best friend.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 25 and 23**

 

‘Octavia?!’ Clarke called when she entered the Blake’s apartment.

‘In here’ Clarke heard her friend say from the kitchen.

‘Is Bell home?’ Clarke stage whispered after she’d greeted Octavia with a hug.

‘No, did you need him? Or _want_ him?’ Octavia asked and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. It was no secret that Octavia both suspected and hoped that her brother and her best friend would get together. She especially had big hopes for that summer, since it was the first summer in Bellamy and Clarke’s friendship that they were single at the same time.

But there was nothing going on between Clarke and Bellamy, they only had platonic feelings for the other – nothing less and nothing more.

‘ _Ieuww_ , no, don’t be gross’ Clarke complained. ‘I got you an early birthday present and Bellamy is going to kill me when he sees it’

Octavia’s face lit up with excitement. ‘Oh my God, I love it already! Is it a vibrator?’ she asked mischievously.

Clarke made Octavia follow her to the coat rack, where she had put the box down, so the gift would stay a surprise.

‘I got you-’ Clarke bend down to pick up the ball of fluffiness. ‘A BUNNY!’ she said excited when she faced Octavia again and she held up Octavia’s new, fluffy, grey and extremely cute friend.

Octavia squealed and jumped up and down out of excitement. She carefully took the bunny in her arms and started talking to it in her baby voice. ‘Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to your new home. I’m your mommy and that girl is your auntie. You don’t have a daddy, but that’s okay – the three of us will manage, I promise you that, my little cutie pie!’ she kissed her bunny’s brow and stroked his soft belly.

‘What are you gonna call her?’ Clarke asked, her adoring gaze trained on her ‘niece’.

‘I always wanted to name a pet Wendy, from Peter Pan, and I think that if I do, Bell won’t be too upset about this bundle of fluffiness’ Octavia answered.

‘Good thinking’ Clarke agreed.

They moved Wendy’s stuff to O’s room and played with the bunny on Octavia’s bed.

‘Have any plans yet for your birthday?’ Clarke asked while they watched Wendy eat a tiny carrot.

Octavia took picture after picture of Wendy on her phone while she answered. ‘Yes, Atom is taking me to lunch and later I’m going bar hopping with Maya and Harper’

‘Cool, can I come?’ Clarke asked, she had been wanting to go on a night out again, but her work and the art course she took that summer kept her busy and her friends led busy lives as well. Octavia’s birthday would be the perfect occasion and she liked Maya and Harper.

‘Only if you buy us drinks’ Octavia joked, although, it was Octavia, so she probably wasn’t. ‘I wanted to ask you anyway. You can ask Raven too, but no guys – especially Jasper, he’s crushing way too hard on Maya – I want to keep it a girls night out’

Clarke nodded. ‘Sounds like fun. Can we go to a gay bar? I’m in the mood for some ladies’

‘If we can get in’ Octavia reasoned. ‘How’s that going by the way?’

Octavia didn’t need to elaborate for Clarke to know what her friend was talking about. ‘Well, I’ve been out twice with this guy, but I’m not really feeling it. And there was this girl, but she decided to get back together with her ex. Thank God we only went out on one date, otherwise that would’ve sucked balls..’

‘I’m proud of you for getting back in the game, Clarke’ Octavia said earnestly. ‘I know it wasn’t easy to make that step’

Clarke’s lips turned into a sad smile. ‘It really wasn’t’ she admitted. ‘But I’m not giving Lexa the satisfaction of turning me into a sad, bitter and scared person’

Octavia agreed.

‘And it has been really fun to dress up again and to hear a date say you look amazing’ Clarke added.

‘I promise you, you’ll get a lot of those compliments when we go out’ Octavia said smiling while she typed something on her cell.

Clarke heard her phone buzz and saw that she had received a message from Octavia in the group chat they had with Bellamy, Miller, Monty, Wells, Jasper and Raven.

 **Octavia 7:37pm:** _I’m a mommy! :D_

 **Miller 7:38pm:** _Congrats O! I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t become the teenage mom I always knew you’d be one day, but now, a couple of days before your 20th you’ve succeeded!_

 **Miller 7:39pm:** _So proud! (Y)_

 **Bell 7:40pm:** _That’s not funny, O!!!_

 **Bell 7:40pm:** _Fuck you Miller!!!_

 

Clarke laughed over Miller’s stupid texts and over Bellamy’s ridiculous reactions.

 

 **Octavia 7:40pm:** _Clarke got me a bunny. Her name is Wendy. (:_

 

_Octavia send a picture._

 

_(Picture downloaded)_

_ _

**Bell 7:41pm:** _CLARKE WHAT THE HELL?!!!!_

 **Monty 7:41pm:** _Omg, that’s literally the cutest bunny I’ve ever seen!_

 **YOU 7:42pm:** _Yes Bell?_

 **YOU 7:42pm:** _Right Monty?! :D_

 **Wells 7:42pm:** _Very cute, congrats O!_

 **Octavia 7:43pm:** _Thanks Wells! :D  
_

**Jasper 7:43pm:** _I WANT ONE!!!! I’ll get a boy than they can have kids!_ ♥ ♥♥ ♥

 **Octavia 7:44pm:** _OMG YESSSS! LETS HAVE A LITTER!_

 **Bell 7:44pm:** _You got her a bunny??!!_

 **Bell 7:45pm:** _NO! THAT THING IS GOING BACK TO THE ANIMAL CLINIC ASAP!!_

 **Monty 7:46pm:** _I’ll take one of your baby bunnies! :D_

 **YOU 7:46pm:** _Me 2!_

 **Wells 7:46pm:** _Ditto! :D_

 **Octavia 7:47pm:** _IF YOU DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITH MY BABY YOU CAN LEAVE, BELL! I’LL PACK YOUR SHIT RIGHT NOW!!_

 **Raven 7:47pm:** _That bunny is very agreeable indeed_

 **Miller 7:47pm:** _She’s very cute, but I don’t want one of your daughter and jasper’s son’s lovechildren._

 **Bell 7:48pm:** _THAT BUNNY IS LEAVING!!_

 **Octavia 7:49pm:** _THAT BUNNY HAS A NAME AND IT’S WENDY!!! HAVE SOME RESPECT AND LOVE, SHE’S YOUR NIECE!!!_

 **YOU 7:49pm:** _Don’t tell me you’re afraid of Wendy Bell?!! :O_

 **Raven 7:49pm:** _HAHAHAAAA LOLLLL_

 **Miller 7:50pm:** _ROFL_

 **Bell 7:50pm:** _Haha, very funny Princess! FYI I’m ignoring you now, traitor!_

 **Raven 7:50pm:** _O, btw, what do you want for your bday?_

 **YOU 7:51pm:** _She wants a vibrator_

 **Octavia 7:51pm:** _Yes please! b^.^d_

_(Bell has left this group chat)_

 

Clarke and Octavia both snickered when they got the notification that Bellamy had left their group chat.

‘He’s going to kill you’ Octavia said laughingly.

‘Not if I show him sweet little Wendy first’ Clarke said and she softly stroked Wendy’s soft, floppy ear. ‘You’re the cutest, aren’t you?’ she cooed. ‘You can melt everyone’s heart, can’t you? Even a grumpy and surly one like Bell has’

‘If Wendy fails – but you won’t, no you won’t – just pull down your shirt and flash him as a diversion’ Octavia suggested with a smirk. ‘You have amazing boobs, it’ll work’

‘I’ll keep that as a Plan B’ Clarke joked.

But Wendy’s cuteness wasn’t to be underestimated, and neither should Octavia and Clarke’s begging and pouting. Bellamy caved – Wendy’s name had helped as well – and nobody got killed or flashed that night.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 26 and 24**

 

‘Marshmallow?’ Bellamy offered Clarke.

Clarke gratefully accepted the treat and when Bellamy’s fingers touched hers, a way too familiar tingling sensation went through her fingers. That happened a lot lately. Every time Clarke and Bellamy had skin on skin contact, the skin Bellamy had touched, made Clarke’s tingle.

She also felt butterflies flying in her stomach when he smiled at her, her heart jumped when he unexpectedly walked into the room and his musky and manly scent did funny things to her head.

She also missed him when she didn’t speak to him every day.

Clarke was royally screwed.

She barely contained the annoyed sigh that wanted to pass her lips. She couldn’t believe this was happening! Not only was it a total cliché – girl falls in love with her best friend – but also a disaster in the making.

Clarke didn’t want to think of all of the ways her feelings for Bellamy could blow up in her face, especially not on a night like this, where the gang was hanging out on a beach in California where they were for a week.

Octavia was turning 21 and she wanted to do something special for that milestone and when Monty had dropped that his uncle owned a beach house in Santa Monica, she made a dream trip a reality.

Now the eight of them were sitting around a bonfire, drinking beers and making s’mores. Monty and Miller who had been dating for two years, had a nice little moment. Raven, Octavia, Wells and Jasper were discussing some show and Bellamy and Clarke were looking at the stars.

Bellamy was pointing out the constellations in the starry sky, because of course, he knew them like the nerd he was, and they reminded Clarke of Bellamy’s freckles. She loved his freckles, she had a thing for them.

She also had a thing for his strong hands, his toned arms, his well-shaped ass, his warm eyes, his lips, his smile, his laugh, his loyalty, his selflessness, how deeply he cared for everyone in his life – the list went on and on..

Yes, Clarke was screwed and she was well aware of that fact.

‘So, I heard this totally awful history joke in class the other day’ Bellamy shared.

‘Totally awful history jokes – my favourite’ Clarke joked smiling. ‘You know me so well’ she bumped her shoulder into his, what turned out to be a mistake, because Bellamy’s scent invaded her senses and made her lightheaded. _No, it’s the alcohol! The alcohol!_

Bellamy chuckled and told his lame joke. ‘A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers please”’

If Clarke hadn’t been so tipsy or wouldn’t have turned away from him to burst out in laughter, she would have noticed the nervous look in Bellamy’s eyes and the redness of his cheeks.

‘God, Bellamy that was the _worst_ joke ever’ Clarke snickered and she wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘Dear Lord… Do you have more?’

‘Sure’ Bellamy said and his eyes showed a soft emotion, one that Clarke’s intoxicated brain couldn’t make out. ‘Another Roman walks into the bar and says “A martinus please” “Don’t you mean martini?” the bartender asks and the Roman responds with “If I wanted a double, I would’ve said it”’

Clarke laughed again. She loved laughing with and at Bellamy. ‘You should use those as a pickup line’

Something in Bellamy’s eyes changed. ‘Maybe I am’ he whispered.

His gaze held hers and Clarke felt her heartbeat quicken. This felt like a moment, a defying one or something, but his warm brown eyes held her captive and she was frozen to the spot. She could barely breathe, let alone respond..

The intense moment ended abruptly when Jasper yelled at Bellamy that he wanted a marshmallow. Clarke quickly broke eye contact and took a gulp of her beer to hide her blush. Raven told Jasper to knock off the s’mores because it was time to go to a bar.

‘Everyone get off your ass so we can go and shake that booty!’ Octavia slurred.

Everyone followed her orders and ignored the fact they were more like to sit in a booth and drink than to get on the dancefloor to “shake that booty”, as Octavia so delicately put it.

Octavia demanded a piggyback ride from her brother and he conceded, which meant that Clarke was deprived of her alone time with him. But Wells fell into step next to her and he put an arm around her and that made her feel better.

When they arrived at the bar, Clarke was send to order eight beers.

‘Eight beers?’ the bartender asked with a smirk. ‘What’s a pretty little thing like yourself going to do with all those beers?’

‘Drink it’ Clarke answered unamused.

The bartender chuckled. ‘Give me a minute’

While the bartender took his sweet time helping other customers, she gave him a second glance. He was handsome, she had to give him that – red hair, green eyes, rocking body, nice smile.. But he didn’t do anything to her and she knew why, she was too far gone for Bellamy..

‘Where are you from?’ the bartender asked when he returned and he bobbed his head to the rhythm of the music.

‘Grew up in Florida, but have been living in New York for the last couple of years’ Clarke answered, while the redhead grabbed her the beers.

‘Escaping the city so you can relax? Smart move, gorgeous’

‘Excuse you, but New York is amazing’ Clarke fiercely said and that was the start of a discussion of what was more enjoyable – living in a big, over-crowded city or a small beach town.

And since Clarke had lived and worked in both, she knew what she was talking about and she wasn’t about to let the stranger win without a fight. She wasn’t going to let the stranger win period, because she was right, dammit!

Raven had grown impatient and had come to get the beers the gang had been waiting for, but Clarke still hadn’t convinced the guy that living in a big city was great, so she stayed where she was.

‘Living in a beach town means a lot of half-naked men, don’t you miss that in the city?’

Clarke saw his point. ‘And the half-naked women’ she added.

‘You’re not gay’ the redhead chuckled, but it wasn’t in a mean way, more in a way that let Clarke know he was sure.

‘How would you know?’ she asked, not offended, just curious.

‘I caught you checking me out when I served a different customer’ he replied with a smirk.

‘Did you also catch me checking out that hot brunette in the purple bikini?’ she asked with a grin and she emptied her beer bottle.

‘So, bi’ he seemed a little intrigued.

‘Bi indeed’ Clarke confirmed and she asked for a sparkling water. ‘I don’t want to wake up with a hangover tomorrow’ she explained.

‘Very wise’ he agreed.

She took her drink and thanked him for a stupid, but enjoyable, debate where she counted herself the winner. He said he hoped she would stop by for another one and she waved when she went back to her friends.

She slid next to Jasper in the booth he was occupying with Monty and Miller.

‘Look who decided to ditch the hot bartender and to come grace us with her presence’ Jasper smiled and Clarke playfully shoved his shoulder.

‘Where is everyone?’ she asked a little breathless.

‘Raven and Blake are shooting darts and Wells and mini-Blake are dancing’ Miller answered.

‘Yes! Let’s dance!’ Clarke agreed and before Jasper could object he had already been dragged by the blonde to the dancefloor.

Before dawn the group of friends went back to their beach house and Clarke took a moment to appreciate Bellamy’s back. It was the first moment she had to herself that night and her thoughts drifted to the intense moment she shared with Bellamy at the bonfire.

A small voice inside her told her that it had been quite romantic. Watching the stars with him, making s’mores in a bonfire, him telling her stupid jokes.. It was probably the voice of the devil trying to get her hopes up.

‘Stop staring’ Wells said grinning.

Clarke could feel her cheeks heat up for being caught ogling her best friend’s ass. ‘Shut up’ she groaned.

Everyone immediately went to their beds, but when Clarke still wasn’t asleep after half an hour later, she became restless and decided to go to the kitchen for a glass of water.

She was careful not to wake a sleeping Octavia, who she was sharing a bedroom with, as she left their room.

On her way to a refreshment she passed Raven’s room, but a hard moan made her stop in her tracks. It wasn’t a feminine moan, which meant that Raven was hosting a party for two in her bedroom. It also meant Raven was with either Wells, Jasper or Bellamy, since Raven hadn’t brought home a stranger.

Clarke really, _really_ , hoped it was Wells. She could already feel her heart cracking at the thought of it being Bellamy.

Her muscles started working again and she quickly made her way downstairs. A sob passed her lips when she found Wells in the kitchen and he immediately looked up when he heard the sound.

‘Can’t sleep?’ he asked.

Clarke shook her head. ‘You?’

‘Still full of energy from all that dancing’ Wells answered and he filled a glass of water for Clarke. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked when he handed her the drink.

Clarke had known Wells her entire life. They’d grown up together in New Haven, he was her first real friend and after all those years of friendship, he was like a brother to her. They’d laughed together, cried together, graduated together and had moved to New York together. Clarke knew Wells could see right through her, so there was no point in pretending she was fine. She didn’t want to either, not with Wells anyway.

‘Pretty sure Bellamy and Raven are having sex now’ Clarke said in a soft voice and she could feel her eyes well up. Her hands unconsciously tightened around the glass she was holding and her eyes dropped to the floor.

‘I’m sorry Clarke, I know how much you like him..’ Wells said.

Clarke looked up again. ‘How did you know? Was I that obvious?’ she let out a humourless chuckle.

‘To me you were’ Wells admitted. ‘But I know you better than you know yourself, so I figured it out a while back – probably even before you did. When exactly did you find out?’

‘Probably’ Clarke agreed and she drank some of her water. ‘A couple of months ago. When he came by to fix something and I realised that his number is the only one I know by heart and that I already miss him before he leaves. Pathetic, huh?’

Wells shook his head in disagreement.

‘I’m actually kind of surprised that he’s hooking up with Raven right now’ Wells shared after a moment of silence. ‘I could’ve sworn he liked you too’

‘Yeah, well, apparently not..’ Clarke huffed, getting upset. But then a crazy alternative made her feel somewhat better. ‘Maybe it’s Jasper?’

Wells gave her a sympathetic look. ‘Jasper is finally getting somewhere with his dream girl. He’s not going to try fuck things up with Maya by sleeping with someone else, especially a close friend’

‘Yeah, it was a long shot..’ Clarke agreed. ‘Maybe I should go back to that bar and have a little fun with that hot bartender’ she sighed.

‘That won’t make you feel better and you’ll probably get lost on the way’ Wells smiled slightly, because he knew he was right.

Clarke groaned. ‘I hate my heart – stupid treacherous piece of muscle’

‘Your heart is golden Clarke, that’s why everyone gravitates to you’ Wells kindly said and the compliment made Clarke’s lips curl.

‘Yours is too Wells, thank you’

Wells yawned and gave her a hug. ‘Let’s go to bed now. We can talk more after we slept for a few hours’

 

**********

 

When Clarke woke up it was already 1 pm. She put on her red bikini – the sexiest one she packed – and grabbed her beach bag full with necessaries to survive and enjoy a couple of hours of sunbathing.

Everyone was already awake and on the beach, enjoying the warm Californian sun. Clarke’s friends greeted her cheerfully when she joined them. Wells shot her a look and she lifted one of the corners of her mouth to let him know she was fine and didn’t need to talk.

Miller, Bellamy, Wells and Monty played some beach volleyball while the girls and Jasper were working on their tan.

Clarke was grateful that Octavia was sitting with her and Raven, because the last thing she wanted to do was talk about Raven’s hook-up with Bellamy. She had no doubt Raven would’ve brought it up if they had been alone.

Sure, Clarke wanted to know how Bellamy’s lips felt, if he was good with his hands and if he was a snuggler, but hearing it from Raven would break her heart.

Clarke put in her earplugs for some music and let the novel ‘Anna Karenina’ take her away to Russia of the 19th century. Bellamy sat down next to her after a while, but she kept her eyes trained on Tolstoj’s book. If any of her friends noticed she was a little less talkative then normal, they didn’t mention it.

Her eyes flickered to the ocean and the view brought up memories of Charlotte.

Charlotte was Clarke’s cousin who committed suicide when she was 14. Clarke had been 17 at the time.

Charlotte had been depressed for a long time. Her dad had died when she was 12 and she had been the victim of ruthless bullies her entire childhood. Clarke had tried her best to help her cousin and when Charlotte had seemed to do better Clarke found a letter in the mail addressed to her.

In Charlotte’s handwriting.

Clarke knew before opening the letter what it was. A goodbye. She immediately got in her car and drove to Charlotte’s home, but found it empty. After frantically trying to reach Charlotte and her aunt she read the letter in a hope to find a clue of Charlotte’s whereabouts.

Of course, Charlotte hadn’t used her final goodbye to Clarke to tell her how she was going to end her life and three days later, Charlotte’s body was found on the shore – she had drowned herself in the ocean.

Charlotte’s absence and the feeling of failing to save her cousin, still haunted Clarke to that day. It was also that failure that made Clarke decide to become a psychiatrist. She wanted to help people who were in the same boat as Charlotte had been, and help them get better.

‘I’m going for a swim’ Clarke announced. She wanted to cool down her body and to rinse her mind of thoughts of Charlotte’s death.

Clarke had grown up near the ocean, so she was an excellent swimmer and loved being in the water. It had something to do with being weightless and the feeling of floating while the warm and soothing water surrounded her. She loved the feeling of her burning muscles as she swam against a strong tide and the feeling of being reborn when she was on the shore again after a long swim.

The sea was magical and her safe haven.

Especially now since she felt like crying a bit over Bellamy and Charlotte. Her mother had taught her that proper ladies hid their thoughts and feelings behind a beautiful smile and that they had to fall apart in private, if they needed too.

So Clarke let a few salty tears escape into the salty ocean and wished she never had to leave.

Clarke wished she was a mermaid, so she could breathe underwater, play with seahorses and sea stars and swim with dolphins. Or whatever the hell it was that mermaids did.

Clarke dived underwater again after relieving her screaming lungs and something yellow that swam close to the ground caught her eye. It took Clarke a second to see what it was. A Lemon Stingray.

 _Fuck_.

Lemon Stingrays were as yellow as the sand they hid in so they were barely detectable. They were also poisonous, not lethally, but getting stung by one had some serious effects. The poison could make you lose control over your muscles, make you hallucinate and pass out.

Clarke knew she needed to get back to the shore, because if she got seriously stung in the sea, she could drown.

She quickly tried to make her way back to her friends, but the sudden movement must have frightened the animal, because before Clarke had turned around completely, she felt a sharp object – its tail – cut through the skin under her left knee.

_No, no, no, fuck!_

Growing up near the ocean had taught Clarke and Wells what they needed to do when someone got attacked by a marine animal, so she knew that she needed to get to Wells as soon as possible. He knew what to do when someone got stung by a Lemon Stingray and Clarke started to swim as fast as she could.

Clarke could already feel parts of her left leg start to burn, which meant that the poison was spreading, and continued her battle to the land. It wasn’t easy, soon she was unable to use her left leg as much as she needed to and the tide was almost too strong for her.

_If only I was a mermaid, than this wouldn’t have happened.._

But Clarke didn’t need to be a mermaid to make her way out of the water, she had succeeded as a half functioning human being and when Clarke could finally stand on solid ground, she was exhausted.

_Wells, Wells, Wells. Need to go to Wells._

‘Wells..’ she muttered while she carefully made her way over to him. ‘Wells..’ she tried to say louder. He needed to hear her. She needed his help.

Her legs felt like they were on fire and made of lead and walking was something she couldn’t do much longer. ‘Wells!’ she begged and that got the attention of all of her friends.

Clarke was too far gone to register any of their faces or the longing look Bellamy couldn’t hide when he saw Clarke walking towards them all wet and only in her red bikini.

‘Yeah?’ Wells asked absently, but then he saw the blood on her left leg. ‘Clarke!’ he yelled and he jumped up just in time to get to her and catch her as she collapsed.

‘CLARKE!!’ Bellamy yelled and a millisecond later he was right there next to her.

Wells took Clarke’s face in his hand and turned her gaze to his. ‘What bit you Clarke? A jellyfish? A stingray?’

‘Lemmm-‘ Clarke couldn’t say more, but Wells understood.

‘MILLER CALL 911!’ Wells barked before he put his lips around Clarke’s cut and tried to suck the poison out. ‘BELLAMY KEEP HER AWAKE!’

‘Clarke, Clarke, you need to stay awake, okay?’ Bellamy asked and he sounded panicked. His eyes held hers captive and his large strong hands held her face.

She wanted to tell him what a pretty brown colour his eyes were and that she was going to stay awake for him, but she couldn’t. Her brain had lost the connection to her vocal cords.

Painful shivers as sharp as knives went through her and made her body start to spasm. Clarke cried out in pain.

Wells yelled that Monty and Raven needed to keep Clarke lying still. Clarke started yelling in pain again and she had lost the control on her muscles entirely as she convulsed.

Octavia burst out crying, while Jasper begged Clarke not to die.

Then her body became numb and her muscles refused to move any longer. Clarke’s eyelids started to drop and Bellamy tapped her cheeks in an attempt to keep her awake.

‘Clarke! Clarke! Stay with me Clarke..’ he begged. ‘Princess, please..’

But the darkness that was pulling her under was stronger than Clarke was – she was exhausted.

 

**********

 

_Clarke could finally breathe underwater because she was a mermaid. She swam and swam and swam until she saw a familiar face._

_‘Bellamy?’ she asked surprised. ‘What are you doing here?’ her cheeks hurt because she was grinning so hard._

_Bellamy laughed. ‘I’m a merman, Princess, you know that’_

_Oh yeah, she did now that. It had slipped her mind for a moment._

_‘Do you wanna see who can reach that rock first?’ Clarke asked while pointing at a faraway rock, looking forward to winning a little swimming competition._

_Bellamy laughed again and shook his head. ‘No’ he answered and he swam as close to her as he could without them touching. ‘I wanna do something else’ he said in a husky tone before he pulled her against him and took her lips in his._

_Clarke eagerly responded to his kiss and it soon become a heated make out session. Perfect.. So good.. It made her head spin and made her feel overjoyed._

_Way better than a swimming competition.._

_‘Clarke!’ she heard someone yell. It was a voice she never thought she would hear again._ Charlotte’s.

_Clarke pulled back abruptly and hastily looked around her. ‘Charlotte?!’ she yelled._

_‘Here!’_

_And then she found her cousin, wearing the clothes she had died in – blue shorts and a green vest – while battling to reach the surface._

_‘I can’t breathe!’ Charlotte yelled in fear. ‘HELP!!’_

_‘CHARLOTTE I’M COMING!!’ Clarke tried her hardest to reach her drowning cousin, to save her, but Charlotte got swept away again and again by the current. Every time Clarke got close, Charlotte was being pulled away from her._

She’s going to drown! She’s going to drown! I need to save her!

_Charlotte was losing her battle and Clarke had failed.._

_Again.._

 

**********

 

Clarke woke up on a strange couch and in an unfamiliar room.

She couldn’t place where she was and she didn’t know what to do. Clarke noticed that someone put a drip in her, but she didn’t know _why_. She carefully stood up and saw a clock on the wall that told her it was after nine. When she turned around she saw the sun setting in the ocean.

_The ocean._

_Charlotte._

She had been saving Charlotte from drowning.

_Oh, no, Charlotte was drowning.. She needed to safe her!_

She hastily pulled the IV out of her arm and ran towards the sea.

‘CHARLOTTE!’ Clarke yelled. ‘CHARLOTTE!’

‘CLARKE!!’ someone yelled, but it came from behind her and it didn’t sound like Charlotte.

‘CHARLOTTE!’ she was almost there, she was almost in the water, but someone grabbed her from behind and made her stop.

Clarke struggled to get out of the stranger’s grip. ‘Let me go! LET ME GO!’ she yelled while she kicked and screamed.

‘Clarke?!’ she heard a girl ask in a scared voice, but it wasn’t Charlotte’s voice and Charlotte was the only one that mattered.

Suddenly there were a lot of strangers surrounding her, all saying her name, all trying to pull her away from the ocean. She tried to break out of their grasps, tried to push them away, but she wasn’t strong enough to win a fight against a hand full of people.

What the hell was wrong with these people? Why didn’t they let her go? She only wanted to safe her drowning cousin..

‘Princess..’ Clarke heard a deep voice close to her ear beg and that made her stop fighting immediately.

 _Princess_.

That sounded familiar, but she didn’t know _why_ exactly. She was trying to figure it out, but couldn’t..

_Who cares? Charlotte is fighting for her life in that water!_

She felt the stranger’s grip loosen and she took advantage of that and escaped from his strong arms.

‘NO!!!’ he yelled.

‘CHARLOTTE!!’ she cried when someone captured her again. She had already reached the ocean, she was finally _there_...

‘Clarke..’ the guy begged that was holding onto her arm. ‘Princess..’

Clarke finally looked up into the brown eyes of her captor and got even more confused. She felt like she knew this guy from somewhere. At least she _thought_ she did, but she wasn’t certain.. ‘Who are you?’ Clarke asked.

The guy looked taken aback for a second. ‘What?’ he whispered and hurt settled into his brown eyes.

‘Clarke?’ Wells suddenly appeared next to the guy and Clarke felt an intense form of relief wash over her. Finally, a familiar face. And not just any face, no, it was _Wells’_ sweet face.

‘Wells..’ she muttered and he nodded in response. ‘Charlotte..’ Clarke pointed at the ocean. ‘She’s drowning, we need to safe her!’

Wells’ looked confused for a second.

‘We need to safe her’ Clarke urged.

Wells took a sharp breath, like he had just realised something. ‘She’s safe’ Wells said and he nodded. ‘She’s safe and sound in the beach house, I promise’

Clarke looked at him for a moment to be sure he was telling the truth and then started crying. ‘Thank God, I thought she was dead..’

Wells put his arm around her and lead her to the house. He brought her to do couch again and made her lay down. ‘Charlotte is sleeping now and you should too’ he told her and she agreed. Her eyelids were already dropping and soon she was sound asleep again.

 

**********

 

Clarke woke up again two hours later, now completely in the present and not stuck in a 7 year old nightmare.

When she opened her eyes, she found Bellamy sitting in a chair across from her. His eyes were red and the light of the moon reflected on his cheeks.

Clarke rubbed her eyes. ‘Bell?’ she whispered when she sat up.

He let out a strangled sob. ‘Hi Princess’ he said in a broken whisper before he got up and cautiously walked towards her. ‘You gave me quite a scare..’

Bellamy sat down on the couch next to her and took her smaller, paler hand in his big olive toned ones. ‘ _All_ of us’

Clarke looked at their intertwined hands, but it didn’t feel right.

His hands had always comforted her, supported her, helped her, and even though she knew he was doing that right now, all she could think about was his hands running over Raven’s body. She hated the fact that they slept together and she hated it even more that her stomach turned at that thought.

She pulled her hand from his and put her folded hands in her lap.

‘Where’s Wells?’ Clarke asked, eyes trained on the floor.

Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke saw Bellamy ball up his hand. ‘Do you want me to get him?’ Bellamy asked, sounding somewhat upset.

‘Yes, I need _him_ ’ Clarke said, hating it that she sounded a little resentful. _I need you too, but I don’t want to.._

Bellamy bounced his fist on his knee. ‘Okay’ Bellamy whispered and he made her promise not to move, before he got up to get Wells.

‘How are you feeling?’ Wells asked when he sat down next to her.

Clarke shrugged. She felt a lot. Weariness, shame, sadness, confusion. ‘What happened after I passed out?’ she asked instead.

‘Well, Bellamy went into hysterics, Octavia and Raven couldn’t stop crying, Jasper started hyperventilating, Monty helped Jasper and Miller lead the paramedics to you.. They helped me get the poison out and hooked you onto an IV’ Wells answered.

Clarke nodded, signalling she followed.

‘Then we brought you to the couch where we all could keep an eye on you while you slept. We decided to keep watch, but when it was Jasper’s turn, you woke up while he was in the bathroom and-‘

‘Yeah, I remember what happened’ Clarke interrupted and she sighed. She couldn’t believe how she’d acted. She couldn’t believe she didn’t even recognise her friends. She felt awful..

Wells nodded. ‘Don’t worry, nobody is upset with you. It wasn’t your fault..’

‘Stupid Lemon Stingray’ she muttered.

Wells chuckled and he pulled her in for a sideways hug. ‘Everything is okay. In the morning you’ll feel perfectly healthy and this all will be a memory..’

She returned his hug and they sat like that for a moment.

‘How’s everyone holding up?’ she asked.

‘Everyone has calmed down now. When you fell back asleep, Bellamy completely flipped and started yelling at Jasper that it was his fault, that you could’ve drowned if he hadn’t seen you run towards the ocean in time.. Miller and I had to drag him out of the room, before he could break Jasper’s nose-‘

‘Oh God’ Clarke groaned. ‘Poor Jas..’

‘He’s okay, don’t worry.. Octavia was really upset, but she’s asleep now and so is Raven. The guys are in the kitchen, except for Bellamy, he’s sitting on the beach – I think he’s afraid you’re going to run off to the ocean again’

‘I feel fine..’ Clarke assured her friend.

‘You should tell him that. _Oh_! And Bellamy definitely likes you. It’s as clear as day to everyone now’

‘If that were true’ Clarke objected, ‘I don’t think he would have slept with Raven, he’s not that kind of guy. And I’m not going to be notch on his bedpost, so don’t start a betting pool – it’s not going to happen’

‘Clarke-‘

Clarke yawned. ‘What time is it anyway?’ she effectively changing the subject.

Wells checked his phone. ‘A few minutes to midnight’

‘Good’ Clarke sighed. ‘I can’t wait for this day to be over’

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 27 and 25**

 

‘It has been three weeks Clarke, this is getting ridiculous’ Octavia sighed wearily.

‘That’s because your brother’s a dickhead, O’ Clarke said into her phone.

‘Yes, he’s a dickhead, but he’s hurt and too stubborn to do anything about it. Can you _please_ go to him?’ Clarke heard Octavia beg.

‘No! He fucked up, he can come to me’ Clarke said upset.

‘Ugh.. How do you guys even have friends?’ Octavia asked sarcastically.

‘It’s a miracle’ Clarke agreed.

‘Clarke, please..’ Octavia begged. Clarke could hear that her friend was getting fed up with the ridiculous fighting that seemed to go on and on between her brother and her best friend that year.

No, it hadn’t been a good year for Clarke, and her friendship with Bellamy had suffered numerous times because of it. They always made peace and found their way back to each other, but their last fight had made them both too upset for either one of them to be the better person.

It had begun after they got back from their trip to Santa Monica the previous year. Jealousy over Bellamy and Raven’s night together had planted a seed in Clarke that had grown into something that made Clarke colder, more distant and meaner to Bellamy.

The rational side of her knew that she was being childish, unfair and just ridiculous. She had no right to feel the way she did, she had no right to tell Bellamy and Raven not to sleep with each other – they both were only her friends, neither one of them were more.

But unfortunately for everyone, not only Bellamy, Clarke was a very passionate person and her emotional side had the upper hand and it felt hurt, jealous and betrayed.

She was constantly picking fights with Bellamy, and not in the teasing matter like they used to or in the passionate debates kind of way. She always seemed upset with him one way or another (if he was sweet and kind, she felt annoyed – if he was annoyed with her, she got mad) and whenever he was in one feet of Raven she felt like bursting out in anger.

Clarke wanted Bellamy to hurt like she was hurting and kept pushing him away. It made a lot of friends’ nights end on a sour note.

After all of their fights Clarke was ashamed of herself and cried in bed. She _hated_ fighting with Bellamy and she missed laughing with him. She missed their uncomplicated friendship and it was all because of her treacherous heart – she was still in love with him.

Clarke knew Bellamy was confused and hurt, but instead of telling him the truth, she began to avoid him a little. Not in the most obvious ways, she just never sat down next to him anymore at movie nights and made sure that she never was alone with him for too long. She didn’t want him to notice that she was trying to let herself heal.

She really started to heal in the fall when she met Niylah Simons.

Niylah was the breath of fresh air Clarke had been craving.

They met in the second hand bookshop where Bellamy and Clarke had a habit of buying books for the other. It had become a tradition of some sorts between them after Bellamy took her out to make her feel better about her break-up with Lexa.

Clarke was looking for a peace offering for Bellamy after another awful fight when Niylah approached Clarke and commented on the detective she’d picked.

They soon started talking about their favourite detective writers, writers in general and what the best circumstances were to read a good book in – with rainfall and a cup of tea or covered in soft blankets with a bowl of popcorn next to you.

Clarke and Niylah continued their conversation when they grabbed a coffee and the next day they went for dinner.

Clarke could feel herself falling hard. Niylah was sensitive, smart, funny and beautiful and worked as a pharmacist, while still volunteering at a soup kitchen once a week. There was a part of Clarke’s heart that still only wanted Bellamy, but she figured that the best way to get _over_ someone, was to get _under_ someone.

So Clarke went all in and laid all of her cards on the table (except for the Bellamy one) and Niylah did too. Two weeks after their first date Clarke introduced her girlfriend to her friends and Niylah got along famously with everyone, even Bellamy.

After that she didn’t see her friends a lot. Niylah and Clarke were in the sex and takeout stage of a new relationship and it consumed Clarke. Clarke always made excuses to her friends why she couldn’t hang out and when Niylah was invited as well, Clarke convinced her girlfriend to stay in.

Truth was she wanted Niylah to herself and wanted to stay in to have awesome sex, but there was still that treacherous part of her heart that belonged to Bellamy. That part hated it that Niylah and Bellamy got along so well. She hated it when Bellamy and Niylah laughed together, like they were the best of friends, because it reminded her how _not_ in love Bellamy was with her.

Two months after they started dating, Clarke and Niylah decided to move in together.

All of her friends were surprised and expressed their concern.

‘You’ve only known her for _two_ months’ Raven said surprised when Clarke had broken the news to the gang in ‘The Dropship’, the bar they always went to for a beer.

‘Yeah.. Don’t you think you’re moving a bit too fast?’ Jasper cautiously asked.

‘Nope’ Clarke said in all certainty and she took a sip of her vodka tonic.

‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ Monty sounded worried.

‘Yes, she’s The One’ Clarke’s voice sounded confident and her smile was too, but the word _hopefully_ drifted through her mind a couple of times. She raised her drink and made a toast. ‘To true love’ she said smiling brightly.

Octavia looked shocked, Wells was trying to read her – which was annoying. Clarke was really happy with Niylah and excited to take this step. She’d never moved in before with a significant other –, Miller looked somewhat uncomfortable and Bellamy looked at the beer he was drinking. Raven and Jasper shared a look before they raised their glasses as well.

The night had started out okay, but ended terribly when Bellamy got absolutely wasted and puked all over Clarke’s shoes on their way home.

Two weeks after they moved in together, Niylah freaked out and yelled that they were moving way too fast, that she couldn’t handle Clarke’s intensity and that their relationship was suffocating her.

Clarke was enraged and packed her most important stuff and went back to the old apartment she had shared with Raven. Clarke thanked the Lords she still had half of her stuff in Raven’s apartment and that Raven hadn’t found a roommate yet. At the end of the week she had re-upped her lease and Wells, Monty and Raven had helped her move all of her stuff back from Niylah’s place.

Clarke knew her friends thought she was heartbroken, but she was furious. Furious with Niylah for ending them, furious with herself for getting involved with someone again – love always ended in misery – and furious with Bellamy for letting her fall in love with him and not returning her feelings.

All Clarke wanted to do was yell, scream and break shit.

Her friends took her drinking and when some asshole accidently bumped into Clarke, she pushed him to the ground and started a fight. Alcohol and rage ran through her blood and made her spinning head make the decision. She ended up with a black eye, a bloody lip and a scratch on her cheek, but, _hey_ \- you should’ve seen the other guy.

Apparently the fight hadn’t left her yet. On a dark night in the middle of February, when Clarke was making her way back to her apartment, some guy mugged her. Well, _tried_ to mug her. The mugger told Clarke to give him all of the valuables she carried or he would hurt her with the knife he was holding tightly in his hand.

Instead of doing what she was told, Clarke started calling for help, punched the guy in the face and tried to overpower him. She acted like an enraged animal and kicked him, scratched him and hit him while trying to get his knife.

A couple had heard her screaming and helped her. They saved her from the mugger’s intentions to hurt her badly and called the authorities. The police arrested the man and paramedics brought Clarke to the hospital. The knife had sliced her arm open and she had a concussion, but _hey_ \- you should’ve seen the other guy.

Of course, when she was all stitched up, her cell had died and the only phone number she knew off the top of her head was Bellamy’s. He immediately rushed over to the hospital to pick her up.

Bellamy was upset and furious with her for endangering herself like that. Clarke could see he was doing his best not to cry. His hands were shaking and his voice was trembling when he begged her to ‘never do that again, Princess!’.

Guilt, one of her constant companions nowadays, settled inside her and her gaze dropped to the floor. She hated that she had worried him so much, that she’d caused him pain like that. ‘Sorry..’ she muttered and then she did something she had been careful not to do for months – she gave him a hug. A quick one, she ended it before he could reciprocate it (she still wasn’t ready for that), but a hug nonetheless.

Everyone was shocked by her behaviour. Clarke was known to be a pacifist, who always tried to keep peace and to end fights, to be caring, bubbly and smart. She wasn’t one to start bar fights out of nowhere or to punch a guy who jammed a knife in her face. She also wasn’t one to be quiet during conversation, alienate herself and to freeze-out her friends, something she’d made a habit of doing lately.

‘We need to talk’ Wells announced when he walked into her bedroom a week after the mugging. When Clarke looked up in surprise, he explained that Raven had led him in.

Wells sat down next to her on her bed and started talking. ‘So everyone analysed your behaviour of the last couple of months and Bellamy came to the conclusion you’ve been acting differently since Santa Monica, not just since you and Niylah broke up. Octavia seriously googled if the poison of a Lemon Stingray can change someone’s personality and when that came out negative, Jasper came to the conclusion you actually died on that beach and that some other soul is now inhabiting your body. He seems pretty convinced’

‘Sounds accurate’ Clarke said unimpressed.

‘But we both know why you’ve been really acting unlike yourself since Santa Monica’ Wells continued, ignoring his friend’s remark.

‘You didn’t tell them, right?’ she asked while playing with the tassels on her scarf.

‘Of course not!’ Wells sounded offended.

Clarke kept her attention on her scarf and Wells held his gaze on her.

‘Should I tell our friends that Octavia’s hunch was right and you’re here to stay or that we need to give you some time to get back to yourself?’

Clarke’s demeanour broke and she started to cry. ‘I feel _so_ miserable Wells..’ she admitted between sobs. ‘Everyone I was ever in love with crushed my heart. Bellamy’s feelings for me keep hitting me every time I see him, over and over again..’ Clarke had hit her face in her hands and Wells had pulled her close. ‘Charlotte keeps dying in my dreams.. I’m always too late to save her..’

She hadn’t told anyone that her nightmares had come back. It always started out as nice dreams starring Bellamy and then Charlotte’s screams caught her attention and the dreams turned into nightmares where Clarke was unable to safe her cousin.

Clarke woke up crying every time and felt worse because there was no one there to comfort her.

During the day she was tired, couldn’t eat (she’d lost ten pounds in two weeks), was disinterested in everything and felt incredibly lonely.

She could feel herself slipping into a depression. It ran in her family, next to Charlotte her mom had PPD after she had Clarke, so Clarke shouldn’t exclude that it could happen to her as well. She was terrified.

Wells and Clarke talked for a long time. Wells asked her what she would’ve said to a patient if they had come to Clarke with the same issues. Clarke told Wells she would have advised that client to take therapy. Wells begged her to take her own advice and she promised she would.

Therapy had helped. All of Clarke’s issues came back to the immense guilt she felt over Charlotte’s death and to the difficult relationship she had with her mother. She told her therapist how it was growing up in a wealthy household, but without parents that made time for her and had made her feel unwanted. Clarke learned that that was what made her crave love and attention so bad and why it hurt so bad when it was taken away again.

She started taking antidepressants too.

First it had been weird with her friends, for her at least. She’d excluded herself so long from the group, she was nervous about re-joining them. Wells assured Clarke she had nothing to worry about. Raven told her that she was being ridiculous because everyone was really happy she would be back and relieved that she was going to be herself again.

They were right. Everyone treated her the same as before and like she hadn’t been missing from their group for the past 8 weeks or so.

Clarke took baby steps. She grabbed lunch with Monty, played Mario Kart with Jasper for hours, visited Octavia so they could play with Wendy and went to a band with Miller again (he picked this time, so no weird clowns). Raven and Wells had been a constant in her life the last two months, so Clarke didn’t need to prepare herself for seeing them in a large group.

But Bellamy was a different story. He was the hardest. He was the one she loved the most, the one she missed the most and the one she’d pushed away the hardest.

Clarke wanted to see Bellamy again, but she didn’t know what to say or how to act around him. She wanted to do something special to rip off the bandage, but she was too nervous to come up with something she liked enough.

Raven told her she was overthinking it, that Bellamy was waiting for her and didn’t care if they’d go to the statue of Liberty or took a stroll through Central Park, or whatever. He had missed her.

Raven was right, of course, so before Clarke lost her nerve, she texted Bellamy and asked if he had any plans for that night. He texted back he was free, so she proposed a night of Netflix and Chinese. Bellamy asked her if she wanted to come to his place or if he should come to hers. She needed to get out of her apartment and Bellamy’s place was also Wendy’s place, so she ended up there.

Just watching Downton Abbey, eating takeout and laughing with each other while cute, fluffy Wendy sat on her lap, was exactly right for them. It was perfect.

Her friends were amazing. They were all understanding, kind and made her laugh. When Clarke couldn’t drink any longer because of her meds, no one batted an eyelash and they all offered to get her a Coke.

After three months of therapy and antidepressants, Clarke was confident enough to live her life without the help of a professional and the meds. The first time she ordered a drink felt like a victory and after the surprise faded form her friends’ faces, they seemed happy and proud too.

A month later, in May, her grandmother died.

Clarke cried non-stop for two weeks after the funeral and Bellamy decided to crash on the couch so he could take care of her until she felt better. He made sure she ate enough, distracted her and talked with her.

Clarke couldn’t thank him enough for doing that, for being who he was and for being her friend. She owned him everything she had, because he had helped her deal with her grandma’s death without being sucked into another depression.

That’s why she’d offered him money when she found out.

The Blake’s had been keeping it a secret. Money was always a sensitive subject for them both and they weren’t one to share their worries or problems – they liked to keep their big secrets to themselves.

Clarke should’ve noticed – blamed herself that she hadn’t, but after the crappy months she had and where she’d neglected her studies, she was incredibly busy with catching up –, because there had definitely been a pattern.

The Blakes cancelled every bar night, never hosted a friends’ night anymore and every time Clarke asked one of them if she could stop by, there was a reason why it wasn’t a good time.

She found out when she was in their neighbourhood and decided to drop by unannounced. When their door was opened for them, she was greeted by a stranger.

‘Who are you?’ Clarke asked surprised.

‘Sterling Owen, I live here’ he answered confused. ‘Who are you?’

‘Where are the Blakes?’ she demanded.

‘Octavia is at work and Bellamy is in the kitchen’ Sterling answered a little guarded.

Clarke walked past him, without giving the guy a chance to say something else and made her way to Bellamy. On her way she saw that the Blake’s TV was missing.

Bellamy was standing with his back to Clarke, washing the dishes. ‘Bell?’ she asked quietly and his back visibly tensed when he heard her voice.

He turned around slowly and he couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘What are you doing here Clarke?’

‘What’s going on?’ Clarke asked, terribly confused and hurt. ‘Who’s Sterling? Why is he saying he lives here? And don’t lie to me Bellamy Blake!’ she yelled when she saw that Bellamy bit his lip – it was his tell if he way lying.

Bellamy told Clarke that their mom had lost their job and without her financial support, things had even been more difficult to manage now that Bellamy was going for his PhD and Octavia was in college as well. Octavia had taken a second job and Bellamy a third, they had to sell some of their stuff (i.a. their TV, Bellamy’s laptop and some of their Nana’s jewellery) and now shared a bedroom so they could illegally rent Octavia’s old room to Sterling.

Clarke was shocked by what she heard, upset that they kept it a secret and ashamed with herself for not noticing.

‘How long has this been going on? Why didn’t you tell me?’ Clarke yelled while the tears streamed over her cheeks.

‘I don’t know.. You have enough crap going on and it’s not like it’s anyone’s business!’ Bellamy stubbornly yelled.

Clarke looked at him for a moment. ‘I’m supposed to be your friend’ she whispered and she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

‘You are, of course you are’ Bellamy took a few hesitant steps towards her.

‘Then let me help’ she sniffed. ‘I got some money from my-‘

‘No!’ he interrupted. ‘Absolutely not!’

‘Why not? Sterling can move out – you don’t have to live with a stranger anymore and you wouldn’t help your landlord commit insurance fraud – both you and O can quit a job and focus on school again-‘

‘I’m not taking your money Clarke!’ Bellamy angrily interrupted again.

This went on for a while. Clarke begged him to lend some money from her and Bellamy yelled back that he wasn’t going to that. He and O would be fine, they were doing just fine, his family was _his_ responsibility and he didn’t need Clarke’s help.

‘Fine!’ Clarke yelled and she stormed out of the Blake’s apartment, determined to help them somehow – she was just as stubborn as he was.

Clarke bought a new laptop, nothing fancy, and made Raven install everything Bellamy would need, before carefully applying a few scratches. She gave Bellamy the laptop telling him it was an old one of hers and that he could borrow it as long as he wanted.

Clarke also tried to persuade Octavia to borrow some money from her and sometimes gave Octavia some groceries to take home with the excuses that she didn’t like it and had bought it accidently. Of course, O saw right through her and refused to take the food. Octavia begrudgingly took the food saying she didn’t want to be wasteful, when Clarke told Octavia that if she wouldn’t take it, she would throw it away.

When Bellamy found out about the groceries and the money, he lost it.

‘Clarke, what the hell?!’ Bellamy had demanded when he stormed into her apartment.

‘What?’ she asked innocently.

Bellamy gave her a glare. ‘Stop giving Octavia money and food! I told you _I_ was handling it! This has nothing to do with you. Mind your own fucking business!’

‘You are my friends! Therefor you are my business, Bell! Friends take care of one another – you took care of me, now I want to take care of you! Please’ she begged, ‘let me help’

‘Goddammit Clarke, I told you we didn’t need your help!’ Bellamy had yelled.

‘Well apparently Octavia disagreed’ Clarke knew it was an incredibly low blow and regretted it immediately when she saw something break in his eyes.

They were both silent, trying to stare the other down.

‘Fuck you’ Bellamy muttered and he angrily bumped his shoulder into hers on his way out.

That had been three weeks ago and they hadn’t spoken, texted or seen each other since.

Bellamy was furious, he’d never been this angry with Clarke before. He thought Clarke didn’t think him man enough to take care of his sister and felt betrayed that she’d went behind his back to financially support the Blakes – especially since it was against his wishes.

Clarke was mad that Bellamy wouldn’t let her help, especially since she had the means to do so. Her help would make life so much easier for both Bellamy and Octavia, and she hated it that Bellamy thought it made him look weak if he accepted her money. She understood where he was coming from – it was painful when you needed money from your best friend to keep your head above water. She would’ve felt like that too, they were cut from the same cloth.

But the thing was – they were friends, and that meant you helped each other get through shit.

They were both silently brewing in their misery, waiting for the other to apologise, but Clarke and Bellamy were both too stubborn to give in an inch.

And Octavia was worried, because she was celebrating her birthday in a few days and she wanted both her brother and her best friend to be there. She also wanted them to get along and for everything to be perfect, because it would be the first time her new boyfriend, Lincoln Graham, would meet everyone.

‘Okay, fine!’ Clarke relented, after Octavia’s relentless begging. It may have been Octavia’s begging that pushed Clarke over the edge, but she had been on that edge for a while now – she missed Bellamy like crazy.

 **YOU 6:17pm:** _I’m sorry Bell_

 **Bell 6:19pm:** _I’m sorry too princess_

 **YOU 6:20pm:** _HoC and pizza tonight?_

 **Bell 6:20pm:** _Be there in a sec (:_

Clarke ordered the pizza and it arrived ten minutes after Bellamy had gotten at Clarke’s. They talked and cleared the air. Bellamy promised that he and Octavia were doing better, that it wouldn’t be long before Sterling moved out again, and that if he needed help, he’d come to Clarke. Clarke couldn’t ask for more.

The rest of the evening they spend talking what they had been up to the last three weeks, completely ignoring “House of Cards” on Clarke’s laptop.

Suddenly Bellamy looked up, having realised something. ‘Where’s Raven?’ he asked surprised.

Bellamy forgetting that Clarke didn’t live alone, made her suppress a goofy smile.

‘Out with Wells. It’s their third date’ Clarke answered smiling, somewhat proudly. She really was happy that two of her best friends had found love with each other and couldn’t help feel a little responsible – she was the one who introduced them after all.

Bellamy let out a sigh. ‘Those lucky bastards..’ he muttered.

Clarke’s stomach dropped a bit because she knew how he felt. All of their friends were in love – she was too, but the difference was that her friends were in love with someone who loved them back – and she and Bellamy were the only ones who were single.

It had been an awful few months with Niylah, her depression and her grandma dying, so she wasn’t ready for romance anyway. Not even with Bellamy if the universe decided to give her a break and let him fall in love with her. She needed time for everything around her to quiet down a bit, before she could focus on romance again. She needed time to get stronger, before she could bare her heart and soul out to another person again.

Didn’t mean it didn’t suck to be single though..

But Clarke knew that now wasn’t the time for her to get back in the game, but someday it would be again. And maybe, just _maybe_ , that someday would be with Bellamy.

They were both single, had been best friends for years and loved each other to the moon and back. Clarke really believed they would be good together, if the opportunity arose.

She wasn’t trying to get her hopes up, but the part of her heart that Bellamy owned, couldn’t help but hope anyway and think those misleading thoughts.

Clarke amicably bumped her shoulder into Bellamy’s. ‘Don’t worry, Bell, you’re time will come as well’

She hoped it was with her.

Then their conversation changed to the subject of Monty and Miller’s upcoming wedding.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 28 and 26**

 

The whole gang had helped Octavia pack up all of her belongings that day and helped her move to Lincoln’s place. She decided to move in with her boyfriend of a year because her brother was moving to North Carolina.

_North Carolina._

Bellamy got a teaching job at a university in North Carolina and was leaving in four days. Clarke had been devastated when she’d learned the news, but she was also really happy for and proud of him. He’d worked so hard – his entire life – to make something of himself, to become a professor and to teach at a university, and now he finally got the chance.

So who was she to beg him to stay, because her heart would break in two if he left?

She congratulated him, instead of falling into a sobbing mess, and told him she’d kill him if he became a stranger.

Where her feelings for Bellamy were concerned, it may have been a blessing in disguise that Bellamy got a job in another state. The distance would help Clarke get over him, because it seemed that Clarke’s someday with Bellamy was only a wild dream.

Now that he was moving away, she was glad she never made her feelings known to him. If he had reciprocated them, him moving away would’ve probably led to the end of their relationship and Clarke would’ve never survived that. If he didn’t feel the same, she spared herself a lot of awkward moments and a crushed heart.

It seemed like she would’ve gotten a broken heart either way, and now it was only cracked.

Lincoln was heating up the grill in the backyard and was going to make everyone some burgers as a thank you.

Everyone was laughing, drinking some beers and enjoying the warm summer night, when Clarke noticed Bellamy get up and walk into the house. He’d been acting odd all day – distant, sullen and quiet, so she decided to follow him and see if he wanted to talk or something.

Clarke found Bellamy in the kitchen, where he was filling a glass of water.

‘What’s wrong Bell?’ Clarke knew her friend and wasn’t going to beat around the bush.

Bellamy looked up and gave her a slight smile. ‘Nothing, Princess. Don’t worry about it’

‘Nothing my ass, _Professor_ ’ she smiled while using the new nickname and it made Bellamy smile as well. It was a smile that displayed the unique combination of pride and fondness, and every time he gave her one of those, she had to bite her tongue so she wouldn’t say those three little words. _I love you_. ‘Just tell me Bell’

‘It’s nothing – really’ Bellamy insisted, but Clarke didn’t give up and knew she could stare him down. Bellamy let out an annoyed sigh at the look she gave him. ‘It’s just – I’m really happy and relieved that I got a job in my field, but I hate that it’s so far away. I _really_ wanted to stay here, in New York, with you guys..’

Clarke’s lips turned into a sad smile. ‘I know.. Me too’ she admitted in a whisper.

Bellamy pulled her into a hug. ‘Don’t forget me okay?’ he’d asked it so softly, Clarke wasn’t sure he meant to say it.

Clarke let out a chuckle. ‘I couldn’t if I wanted to Bell’ she said into his firm chest. ‘You wouldn’t give me a chance to, with all your relentless texts and annoying phone calls – I’m already dreading all of those’

He pinched her side and she squealed in his arms.

When she stepped out of his embrace and looked him in his eyes again, she found his gaze trained on her. His warm brown eyes seemed a shade darker and were filled with love and.. _Longing?_

It send a thrill down Clarke’s spine and made her heart beat wildly. Bellamy took Clarke’s breath away again, just like he had done on that beach of Santa Monica two years ago and had done so numerous times after that intense moment.

Bellamy brought his tanned hand to the side of her face and tucked a strand of hair from Clarke’s face behind her ear. When his thumb carefully stroked Clarke’s ear, she almost went into cardiac arrest.

Bellamy’s eyes started to form a question, but before she could answer it, Octavia walked into the kitchen and broke the spell they were under.

Clarke jumped away from Bellamy and gave Octavia a smile.

Octavia eyes them suspiciously. ‘Am I interrupting something?’ she asked with a hopeful smile.

‘No!’ Clarke let out a weird, high pitched laugh. ‘Bell just needed a hug’ she gave him an awkward tap on his shoulder and nodded. ‘Nothing to interrupt’ she hastily made her way out of the kitchen and went back to the backyard.

 

**********

 

Later that night, when Clarke was alone in her bed, she revaluated what had happened in the kitchen with Bellamy.

Maybe there was a reason to still have hope?

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 30 and 28**

 

‘For the love of God..’ Clarke muttered annoyed, then yelled at the driver driving in front of them, ‘GO FASTER, JACKASS! SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE LIVES TO GET TOO!’

Roan, who was sitting next to her and driving them, laughed. ‘Don’t think he heard you, babe. Maybe you should put your head out of the car window and try again’

She playfully slapped his arm and unlocked her phone.

 **Octavia 6:17pm:** _Where are you?!_

 **YOU 6:33pm:** _We’ll be there in ten, if the ass in front of us learns how to drive._

 

 **Raven 6:29pm:** _Don’t tell me your ditching.._

 **YOU 6:33pm:** _No, we’re almost there!_

 **Raven 6:34pm:** _Good, people are asking me where you are – Bellamy included_

 

Clarke’s heart throbbed painfully at the mention of Bellamy’s name. That still happened once in a while and Clarke didn’t think that would ever go away – it was in her heart’s system now to do so.

After Bellamy moved to North Carolina, Clarke still spoke to him very often. They’d texted every day and called multiple times a week. Bellamy worked and Clarke continued on realising her dream of becoming a paediatric psychologist in a hospital. But then Bellamy started dating. Clarke was confused at first (what about the kitchen moment?), but later saw it as a confirmation of his platonic feelings for her and she started dating too. They both went on crappy dates – Bellamy to find love, Clarke to get over Bellamy.

Bellamy succeeded more than Clarke did. After three months or so, Bellamy met Gina. A gorgeous and sweet-as-a-pie surgeon he met through Tinder. After Bellamy’s second visit back to New York, he had brought Gina along so everyone could meet her.

Gina was everything Clarke was not. Patient, shy, soft and an amazing cook. She and Bellamy were head over heels for each other and seemed perfect for each other. It made Clarke’s eyes bleed to watch them act as lovebirds and when she and Raven got back to their apartment, she had a panic attack.

Raven, who was aware of Clarke’s feelings for Bellamy, helped her to snap out of it and told her that she would get through this. She was awesome, strong and brilliant – Raven had no doubt that someone would see that and would make her very happy. Bellamy was an idiot who didn’t deserve her.

It wasn’t the first committed relationship Bellamy had, but it was the first since Clarke fell in love with him. Seeing Bellamy with Gina like that made Clarke realise she needed to get over Bellamy as soon as possible – there was no reason to hope anymore, she needed to burn Bellamy out of her heart.

Clarke figured a change of scenery would do her good. Everything in New York reminded Clarke of Bellamy. The art gallery in Brooklyn, the second hand bookshop, ‘The Dropship’, the café they ate lunch at numerous times, even their friends reminded her too much of Bellamy. And thinking of Bellamy was like ripping her heart out of her chest over and over again, so thoughts about him needed to be eliminated as much as possible.

That’s why Clarke went to England to study a semester aboard.

Being in Oxford was like a much needed break from her misery. The new town, shops, bars and people all were great distractions from her heartbreak and were all clean of memories of Bellamy.

When the semester was over and summer break had arrived, Clarke travelled through Great Britain and the west coast of Europe, before heading back to the States. She even visited her parents for a week, before returning to New York.

Her friends had thrown her a surprise welcome home party and Bellamy and Gina were there as well. It didn’t bother Clarke much. Gina was a great woman and Clarke’s travels had done her well. She felt like a new person, like a Clarke 2.0. A better version because she finally had been able to let Bellamy go and she learned that she was indeed awesome, she would find happiness without Bellamy.

When school started again, Clarke focused on her studies and went out with her friends once in a while.

Her friends were all doing really well. Raven and Wells had officially moved in together, Jasper and Maya had moved to Staten Island together, Monty and Miller had adopted a dog, Octavia and Lincoln were still their one and only and Bellamy moved back to New York and took Gina with him.

Clarke knew everyone was waiting for her to find someone, which was incredibly annoying, and Clarke told them the romance was on hold until she graduated to get her friends of her back.

But then Raven introduced Clarke to a colleague of her stepbrother, Roan Davis, a couple of months ago and they had been going out ever since. Roan was a suit on Wall Street, seven years her senior and also had a difficult relationship with his mother – something the two of them had bonded over.

It hadn’t begun as anything serious, they were just wasting time together, but now Clarke knew he would always be in her life.

‘Thank God..’ Clarke muttered when they finally arrived at the hotel where Bellamy and Gina’s wedding rehearsal was.

Clarke pulled the skirt of her dress down a bit as she and her boyfriend quickly made their way inside.

‘I need to go to the restroom’ Roan said.

‘Are you serious? We’re already late!’ Clarke spat and glared at him. ‘Fine, I’ll be at the bar..’ she muttered when she walked away from him.

Clarke tried to snuck into the room, hoping it would go unnoticed as much as possible, and made her way to the free bar.

‘A sparkling water with a slice of lemon and a beer, please’ she said to the bartender.

‘Clarke!’ she heard Wells hiss, who had made his way over to her.

‘Hey Wells’ she said smiling and gave her friend a hug.

Wells didn’t return her smile. ‘Don’t do this, make a stop to this’ he begged.

‘To what?’

‘The wedding!’ he hissed and he quickly glanced around, making sure no one was eaves dropping.

‘Are you insane?!’ Clarke whispered angrily.

Wells let out an angry groan. ‘God, you two are-‘ he shook his head with a humourless laugh. ‘Octavia told me he had feelings for you too, so if you still feel the same – don’t deny it Clarke, even a blind person can tell – do something about it! This is your last chance to ride off into the sunset with him’

‘I’m not going to do that Wells..’ she shook her head with a slight frown.

‘Clarke-‘

‘It’s too late, Wells’ Clarke said in a whimper.

‘No, it’s not’ Wells insisted stubbornly. ‘He’s getting married in, what? Eighteen hours. There’s still time!’

Clarke wanted him to understand her state of mind, so she told him the news that had changed her whole world. ‘Wells, I’m pregnant’

Wells eyes widened comically and his mouth was catching flies. Surprise was written all over his face.

‘So, I can’t ride off with Bellamy into the sunset.. It’s not about me anymore, it’s about the small peanut I’m carrying inside of me. I have to do what’s best for my baby..’ Clarke softly explained to Wells. ‘Bellamy is going to get married to Gina and be really happy and I’m going to be really happy with Roan while we raise our child’ she tried to give Wells a smile.

‘Wow, Clarke, how long?’ Wells was able to ask when he had overcome the shock a bit.

‘Six weeks’ she answered with a smile – this time it was a real one.

‘Are you happy?’

‘First I was terrified’ Clarke admitted. ‘You know, I’ve only known Roan for a couple of months and with my mom’s PPD and all.. But now I’m actually really excited. I already love this baby so much.. I didn’t think I could ever love someone as much as I love my Peanut’ she said grinning, with happy tears in her eyes.

Wells smiled warmly. ‘Then I’m really happy too. Congrats, Clarkie’ he gave her a firm hug.

Roan suddenly appeared. ‘Couldn’t keep it to yourself any longer?’ he asked smirking.

Clarke chuckled. ‘Nope, sorry babe..’

‘You should be’ Roan said grinning and he put his arm around her waist. ‘Now you owe me twenty bucks, because you blabbed first’

Clarke pretended to consider this for a moment. ‘I don’t recall-‘

Roan cut her off with a loud laugh and kissed her brow affectionately. ‘Liar’ he whispered in her ear. ‘Don’t believe for a second that you’re getting away’

Wells congratulated Roan as well, before he went back to his girlfriend.

Clarke suggested she and Roan should go find Bellamy and Gina so they could get this show on the road.

Bellamy had his arm around his fiancé, while they were talking to Gina’s parents. Bellamy looked happy and relaxed, quite the contrary to when he had burst into her home three weeks ago, insane with panic and fear. He’d asked her if he was making a mistake, told her he was afraid that Gina wasn’t The One, confided in her that he didn’t know what to do.

That had been three days after Clarke had found out about her pregnancy.

She wanted to beg him not to marry Gina, that it would indeed be a mistake if he wouldn’t end up with Clarke herself, but Peanut had changed things.

Peanut was now her number one and it’s happiness was her top priority. Peanut (and Roan too) deserved from Clarke that she’d try things with Roan, that it would be raised by its real father. At least, that’s what Clarke believed.

So Clarke told Bellamy it was normal to be nervous. He was getting married and marriage was a commitment for life, he wasn’t the first to have cold feet and he wouldn’t be the last. Clarke reminded Bellamy of the feelings he had for Gina and told him Gina loved him as well.

That had seemed to calm Bellamy down and he left much more at ease, and Clarke lovingly stroked her belly when he was gone.

Now he was standing next to his fiancé, who he was getting married to tomorrow.

 _Maybe in a different life,_ a small voice inside of her said soothingly, _in this life you get Peanut._

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 31 and 29**

 

Clarke was nursing her five month old daughter Taylor Charlotte Davis-Griffin on her couch. Taylor was born on Valentine’s Day and had made her daddy cry with joy when he held his daughter for the first time. Clarke mostly cried tears of joy because the horrible delivery was finally over, but when Taylor opened her eyes – just as blue as Clarke’s – and looked into her’s, nothing else in the world seemed to matter anymore.

The little bundle of joy in her arms had brought Clarke a type of happiness she thought was unknown to mankind and she thanked the Lord every day that she had gotten Taylor.

Taylor was her sun, her whole world orbited around her daughter. All of her thoughts, actions and attention were for her Peanut.

For the life of her, Clarke couldn’t understand how you could treat your child badly. All she felt for her daughter was pure love and all she wanted was for Taylor to be happy, healthy and safe. How could a parent hit their child? How could a parent abandon their child like Bellamy and Octavia’s dad had done? How could a parent neglect their child like Clarke’s parents had done?

Taylor was the best thing that ever happened to Clarke. She was the best thing Clarke would ever accomplish.

Taylor’s belly was full, so she let go of her mother’s nipple. Clarke made her daughter burp and held her in her arms until she was soundly asleep.

Clarke heard a key go into the lock of her front door and expected it to be her boyfriend Roan, but was surprised to see it was Bellamy walking into her home.

He came by very often lately, so Clarke had given him a key. She knew something was bugging him, that he was looking for comfort at Clarke's and, to quote Bellamy himself, ‘his favourite girl Taylor’, but he hadn’t shared with her what was on his mind yet.

She brought her finger to her lips to let Bellamy know he needed to be quiet and he nodded in understanding.

He quietly sat down next to her and lovingly gazed at Taylor.

Bellamy was a total goner for her daughter and it made Clarke smile. ‘Wanna hold her?’ Clarke whispered.

Bellamy nodded with his eyes still trained on Taylor and he carefully took her in his strong arms. ‘She looks like you’ Bellamy whispered.

Clarke chuckled. ‘You can already tell, huh?’

‘I’m serious!’ Bellamy insisted with a smile. ‘She has your eyes and lips and curls.. She’s a real princess, just like her mother’

Clarke laughed and stroked her daughter’s soft cheek. ‘Shut up Bell’ she whispered.

Clarke let the sight in front of her settle in. Bellamy was sitting on her couch while holding her sleeping daughter. It seemed like an image from an alternative universe. In that universe, the girl he was holding was their daughter and the ring he was wearing had been put on his finger by Clarke.

Those type of thoughts still hurt, but Taylor made everything bad go away. Taylor made Clarke’s life painless and Clarke knew that as long as she had her daughter, she could survive anything.

‘Gina doesn’t want children’ Bellamy whispered and Clarke looked up in shock, interrupted from her train of thought.

‘What?’

‘Gina wants to be an aunt and a godmother, but most of all she wants to be a successful surgeon.. She believes that’s not a job she can combine with being a mother’ Clarke could hear the devastation in Bellamy’s voice.

‘When did she decide this?’ Clarke asks softly after a moment of silence.

‘A little before the wedding’ Bellamy answers in the same broken tone. ‘I thought it wouldn’t matter to me, that I could be happy as a husband, a professor and an uncle, but since you had Taylor.. I realised how badly I want this too..’

Clarke didn’t know what to say. She wanted to take Bellamy’s pain away, but didn’t know how.

‘I want the dirty diapers, the restless nights, the first step, the first word, the first everything’s.. I want to bring my kid to school and to it’s swimming lessons, I want the parent-teacher conferences, the dinners, the fights and the laughs’ Bellamy’s cheeks were wet now and Clarke’s were too, because she knew exactly how he felt.

Clarke couldn’t wait until Taylor was old enough so she could make those memories with her daughter. She couldn’t wait to find out about Taylor’s flaws, talents and how her friends were going to be like. How her laugh would sound like, how her glare would look like..

‘Maybe Gina will change her mind?’ Clarke sniffed.

‘No..’ Bellamy sighed. ‘We’ve talked a lot about having kids the last couple of months, but I can’t convince her. She really doesn’t want to be a mother..’

‘Than maybe you shouldn’t try to persuade her.. If she doesn’t want to be a parent, she’ll probably be a crappy one and no child deserves that. No child deserves a parent like the ones we had..’ Clarke whispered while she watched her daughter sleep in Bellamy’s arms.

‘But the child would still have _me_ ’ Bellamy countered.

‘Yeah, but you work fulltime too and you can’t be around 24/7. What if you’re somewhere else and Gina takes her misery out on your kid? No child should live with a parent that doesn’t want to be a parent and sees their child as burden’

‘So, what? I should just give up?’ Bellamy sounded heartbroken and it made Clarke’s heart break too.

‘No!’ she quickly said. ‘I’d never tell you to give up on your dreams, but.. I mean- you _chose_ Gina knowing she’d only ever make you a husband, not a dad and well-‘ she let out a confused sigh. ‘You chose that path, so now you got to make a hard decision. Be a husband to Gina, become a dad of someone else’s children or wait and hope for the best with Gina..’

Bellamy stared at Clarke and was silent for a long moment.

It was such a long moment that Clarke became very nervous. Had she crossed a line? Had she said something stupid? Did Bellamy realise her true feelings for him?

‘What do you think I should do?’ Bellamy eventually asked.

‘Don’t ask me what you should do, Bell..’ she begged softly.

‘Fine, what would _you_ do?’ Bellamy pleaded.

Clarke shrugged. ‘Honestly? Now I know what it’s like to be a mother- To be so filled with love and happiness, I’d choose that every time’ Clarke looked at her daughter and continued with a sigh, ‘I’d choose Taylor every time’

‘She’s indeed pretty amazing’ Bellamy said, and Clarke could hear the smile in his voice. ‘Good job, Princess’

Clarke laughed and they began talking about lighter things. About how Octavia and Lincoln were doing on their trip around the world, how Raven had turned into a bridezilla now that her and Wells’ wedding was in a few short weeks, how Jasper was freaking out over becoming a dad of twins in the fall and that Monty and Miller were looking for a place in the suburbs.

Bellamy told Clarke about his job and how funnily stupid and stupidly funny his students could be. Clarke told him how some patients of her broke her heart, but that there were others who she’d helped and were doing so much better. Clarke didn’t give any names or specifics, doctor-patient confidentiality and all, and Bellamy didn’t press for details.

Clarke invited Bellamy over for dinner, but he thanked her and said that Gina was waiting for him.

When he left, Clarke gave him a tight hug and promised him that she would always be there for him and Peanut would too.

 

**********

 

‘You told him to leave his wife?!’ Roan yelled after dinner that night.

‘What? No, I-‘ Clarke tried, but Roan didn’t want to hear it.

‘JESUS CHRIST CLARKE!’ Roan screamed. ‘WHAT THE HELL?!’

Clarke crossed her arms. ‘I didn’t’ she insisted.

‘Don’t lie to me!’ Roan demanded and Clarke dropped her gaze to the floor.

‘I can’t do this anymore.’ he said in a tired voice and he shook his head. ‘All of this fighting.. We’re both unhappy and I can’t do it any longer..’ he let out a huge sigh. ‘You don’t love me and you never will’ Clarke wanted to object, but Roan continued. ‘I’m not going to stay with you because we have a daughter together, I deserve more than that..’

‘Roan, please..’ she tried, but not hard. Them ending had been a long time coming.

‘No’ he said in a whisper before he walked out of their house.

The slamming door waked Taylor and made her cry.

Clarke got her daughter out of her crib and calmed her down with a soothing lullaby.

Roan was right. He did deserve more than a woman who would never love him like he wanted to, and Clarke was never going to. That part of her heart had always, and would always, belong to Bellamy.

Clarke smiled at her daughter, because even that part of her heart, would never break again because of the girl in her arms.

 

* * *

 

 

**27th of July – 33 and 31**

 

Two years later Bellamy and Clarke were drinking some tea in her backyard. Taylor was at Roan’s for the weekend, so Bellamy stopped by to talk.

‘I’m 33’ Bellamy said and Clarke laughed. When he asked her if she had time to talk, she hadn’t expected him to start with something a little less obvious.

‘You are’ Clarke confirmed laughing. ‘I know that for a fact since I celebrated that birthday with you, just like the- What- the _nine_ before that?’

‘Yes, Jesus, I guess we’ve been friends for ten years now’ he shook his head in silent wonderment.

‘Is that what this is about? Are you having a midlife crisis?’ Clarke joked. ‘Because don’t worry Bell, you’re still a fine sight to sore eyes. No baldness or wrinkles yet’

Bellamy laughed and scratched the back of his neck. ‘That’s not what this is about, but thanks. Always nice to hear I’m still hot’ he said with a wink and Clarke rolled her eyes, even though it was true.

Bellamy had lost all of his boyish features and was now a real man. A handsome one too. There wasn’t much left of the guy she met twelve years ago, but some things never changed. He still had a rock hard body, a sparkle in his eyes, the same breath taking smile and thick, raven haired curls. Not to mention his freckles..

‘Then what is this about?’ Clarke asked.

‘Well, I’m now 33 so I believe I’m old enough to know what love is’ Bellamy began and Clarke sat up a bit straighter, very curious to know where this what headed. ‘And life isn’t infinite. I’ve wasted more years than I care to admit and I’m done wasting more time if I can help it. I’m done living a lie’

‘Okay?’ Clarke said, trying to spur him on when he paused. She really wanted to know where he was going.

‘Clarke, do you remember that time when I got back from classes and I found you and Octavia on the floor with Wendy? Octavia was crying because Atom had just dumped her and you were there, holding her tightly, getting her through her heartbreak and stopping me from committing homicide?’

Clarke chuckled. ‘Yeah..’

‘That was the moment I realised how much you meant to Octavia, how much you meant to _me_ ’ Bellamy continued. ‘How much I cared for you, how you made all the grey turn into colour for me. You made everything bad better for me – you still do Clarke. That was the moment I realised I always wanted you to be by my side, and not just as a friend. That was the moment I knew I was in love with you’

Bellamy still stared into space and Clarke still looked at him, the shock over his confession keeping her in her place, while her heart was in overdrive.

‘That was almost eight years ago and I still am, Clarke. I’m still in love with you’

The world stopped spinning. Clarke wasn’t sure if her heart still worked, what colour the sky was or if that was a dream. Her throat was as dry as a desert and her fingers itched with the need to pull him close, so she could, _finally_ , kiss him.

Clarke didn’t know what to do. Laugh, because of the idiots they had been for almost a decade, or cry, because all of that pain during those years had been for nothing and she and Bellamy wasted _eight years_ that they could’ve spend together and being happy.

_Eight years…_

And so much happened. They both got their PhD’s, Bellamy had moved away, Clarke went to England, their friends started families, Bellamy got married, Clarke got a daughter, Bellamy got divorced..

Bellamy looked up with an apologetic smile and with hurt in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer. It was killing me’

‘I realised it a couple of months later’ she told him, ignoring his previous comment. ‘When you came by to fix my lamp and you made me dinner afterwards. When you said you had to go back home, I already missed you.. I realised I always wanted you to cook for me, that I always wanted to find you in my home when I got back, that I wanted to kiss you good morning and goodnight.. I missed you before you left, Bellamy, because I was in love with you’

Bellamy’s eyes started to water and his lips turned into a grin. ‘Really?’

Clarke nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek.

‘But you never seemed interested!’

‘You’re one to talk!’ Clarke accused him of and started laughing.

‘Are you kidding? In Santa Monica, I pretty much _told_ you that I was trying to pick you up!’ he shook his head with a grin.

‘You _slept_ with Raven that night! That told me you hadn’t been serious’

‘Because you spend half of the night flirting with that bartender! I thought you weren’t interested’

‘I wasn’t flirting with him, we were talking about something stupid. And I definitely was interested in you. Still am, by the way’

Bellamy smirked. ‘Good’

‘And after that, well..’ Clarke sighed. ‘After Niylah I had a lot of shit to get through and I wasn’t ready, sorry..’

‘I know, I was waiting for you’ Bellamy admitted. ‘But then I moved to North Carolina and it seemed even more impossible to be with you, especially since you laughed off what I thought was going to happen in O and Lincoln’s kitchen..’

‘I didn’t know what to do when she interrupted us..’ Clarke explained.

‘And I wanted you to give me a reason to stay, but you didn’t’ Bellamy admitted.

‘I couldn’t have asked you to stay Bell, your dreams were coming true. I couldn’t ask you to give all of that up for a friend’

Bellamy looked at her with brown eyes filled with love and regret. ‘I would’ve for you..’

‘You came back with Gina..’ Clarke whispered and a tear escaped her eye.

‘I know, that was the mistake of a lifetime.. But Gina was a good woman and I thought you weren’t an option’ They’re both silent for a moment before Bellamy continued. ‘You told me to marry her though, when I came to you, telling you I had cold feet. I hoped you would ask me not to go through with it because you loved me too’

‘Roan and I were expecting Taylor, Bell’ Clarke explained. ‘It wouldn’t have worked while I was carrying someone else’s baby-‘

‘It would’ve’ Bellamy seemed convinced.

‘Maybe..’ Clarke whispered, not as convinced as Bellamy. ‘But I couldn’t leave the man who had just knocked me up. I owned it to him to try my hardest and I owned it to Taylor to try and give her a whole home, not a broken one..’ Clarke played with the pendant on her necklace. ‘Could you even have done it? Have a girlfriend that was carrying someone else’s baby?’

‘It wouldn’t have been easy’ Bellamy admitted. ‘But I would’ve done it with you. _For_ you. I would do anything with and for you Clarke if it meant I got to be with you’ he gave her a sweet smile. ‘I love you’

Clarke’s lips turned into the brightest of smiles and her eyes filled with happy tears. ‘I love you too’

‘Can I kiss you now?’ he asked smiling. ‘I’ve wanted to do that for forever now’

‘We’ve waited long enough’ Clarke agreed.

Bellamy kissed Clarke hard, with heat and passion, but it was also soft, full of love and with the promise of forever.

Clarke eagerly responded to all of that. Her hands were in his hair and he used his to pull her as close as possible and to squeeze her ass. Their lips were taking the other’s in and their tongues were finding the perfect rhythm. They were finally finding out what the other felt like and learning what the other liked best.

Clarke was surrounded by Bellamy’s distinct, musky scent and she loved it. She also loved kissing him – it was better than she’d ever imagined. His lips were soft and firm and he knew how to use them. They were _hers_ and apparently had been waiting for her lips for years now.

_Eight fucking years._

They broke apart when the need for air got too strong and heavy breathes escaped their lips.

Clarke softly kissed his neck and he tightened his grip around her. His embrace felt like coming home – she belonged there.

Bellamy kissed Clarke again and their mouths danced together. Soon it wasn’t enough anymore. They wanted more and after years of waiting, they’d grown impatient. Clarke dragged Bellamy to her bed and they ripped each other’s clothes off.

Bellamy trailed kisses all over her body and Clarke didn’t care enough to feel self-conscious about her stretchmarks. Not when Bellamy looked at her like that, eyes full with love and lust. Not when Bellamy touched her like that, with his tongue, hands and lips. Not when Bellamy made her feel like that, so wanted, happy and _good_.

Bellamy made her feel _really_ satisfied. A couple of times..

They went to the shower for round three and had round four on Clarke’s living room floor after dinner.

‘Everyone is going to freak..’ Clarke predicted, smiling excitedly. They were sitting on her couch and Clarke was playing with Bellamy’s hair.

‘Hmmm..’ Bellamy uttered, his eyes locked on Clarke’s breathes.

Clarke laughed. ‘Stop staring at my boobs, Professor’

‘But I _love_ your boobs’ Bellamy had a twinkle in his eyes and he smirked. ‘I’ve loved them since we _met_ and I only ever could appreciate them from afar, until now’

‘Until now’ Clarke echoed.

Bellamy lovingly stroked Clarke’s cheek. ‘So you want to tell everyone? You don’t want to take things slow?’

‘Take things slow?’ she said laughing. ‘It took us a decade to get here! We’ve been taking things _really_ slow’

‘True’ Bellamy laughed.

‘I want our forever to begin right now, Bell. Like you said – we’ve wasted enough time’

Bellamy nodded. ‘Me too’

They sealed the deal with a kiss.

They decided to tell all of their friends in a text they would send the next morning.

Where Taylor was concerned, they were going to do it slower. Taylor was with Roan every weekend, so Bellamy could stay over at Clarke’s then or she could stay over at his place. Bellamy would come over twice a week for dinner, so Taylor could get used to him being around more. In that way, it wouldn’t be much of a transition for Taylor when her mother’s boyfriend would move in permanently.

Bellamy nuzzled her neck and Clarke knew that in the morning she’d find a couple of hickeys. She didn’t care because it were Bellamy’s prints that would decorate her skin for the next couple of days. It would be his marks that would fill her skin for the rest of her _life_.

‘Bellamy Blake, I love you’ she loved saying it. She loved to see how his eyes started to sparkle and to watch Bellamy get this smile that lighted up the whole damn room, every time he heard her say it. All because _she_ was the one saying it.

‘Clarke Griffin, I love you too. I always loved you and I always will’ he promised her.

 

He kept that promise until his last breath.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm considering writing an epilogue in Bellamy's POV, if you'd like? 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought :) xx


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